When it comes to panto season, who doesn’t like an opportunity to enjoy a look at Jack’s stalk lubricated by a couple of pints?
Whereas some adult pantos are straightforwardly themed, Vauxhall’s Garden Theatre is hosting a high energy, generally rude Snow White for 18+.
It is a mix of the ribald and the smutty and, by way of trigger warning, and just ahead of the pre-show warm-up sing-song, anyone who is offended has the opportunity to fuck off. This is a show that starts as it means to go on.
It largely follows the story of Snow White across its two acts, the first made up of lightning fast scenes, each segued by an iconic song which sometimes lasts longer than the dialogue that precedes it.
But it all serves its purpose, and by the first act closer, Snow has fallen in love over a duet of “Don’t Stop Believin’” with Prince Donkey Dick Of Vauxhall who, as the name suggests, sports youthful good looks, the charm of the dim and a dong in his tights the size of which could bring a tear to the eye.
The second act is more evenly balanced between plot, panto business and song, and starts with one to the tune of “YMCA” to introduce the Five Merry Men in the place of the usual seven mineworkers.
The Evil Queen Chlamydia—greeted by cries of “Fuck Off!” from the audience in place of the traditional hissing and booing—who can’t stand not to be the fairest of them all, disguises herself as Susan Boyle to trick Snow White into eating the poisoned apple. This is one of many references to reality television celebrities delivered by the tornado-scaled force behind the show, Simon Gross, who a decade ago made Big Brother history by being evicted on day one (returning a fortnight later for a five week stint).
The other tiresomely repeated callouts were to the reality TV celeb claqueurs in Tuesday night’s audience present perhaps to make up for the absence of the advertised Snow White, Miss Amber Guity, who was pre-booked hosting an event elsewhere.
The show is much more fun when it falls back on its panto origins with jokes, running gags, a transformation scene and a rendition of panto favourite “If I Were Not In Pantomime”.
The song-sheet is saved for after the happy ending, which sees Prince Donkey Dick resuscitating the dormant Snow with a serenade of “Go The Distance”, leading to “Get Me to the Church on Time” via “You’re the One that I Want”, all accompanied by an enthusiastic if not entirely tuneful audience.
A sweet Michaela Myers steps out of the chorus and into the shoes of Snow White and manages ably, though the lead role is inevitably Chlamydia, and the whole show must be a different proposition with Miss Amber Guity as a counter-balance to Gross.
Herpes The Henchman, The Mirror, the Merry Men and the other smaller characters are played by Jay Hopping, Goethe Blake and Immy Smith and Aidan Spicer, who principals as Prince Donkey Dick, all of them at one time or another enjoying leaning into the mad chaos of it all.
With a tighter script and less shouting from Gross, this could be a better show, but as it is, it goes down a storm with most of the audience—after all who doesn’t love a singalong?
There is bound to be some bewilderment from those who didn’t read the poster, but for everyone else, it is a slightly guilty pleasure.
Reviewer: Sandra Giorgetti